A healthy relationship/marriage requires respect, power-sharing, gender equality and fairness. An emotionally abused person experiences none of this! No one deserves to be abused and no one has the right to abuse another, these are non-negotiable human rights.
It is so sad that few months into some marriages or relationships, devil creeps in and the once-jolly good fellas become sworn enemies and everything she does irritates him and this often leads to an abuse. The abuse could be sexual, emotional or physical which includes forms of beating. The abuse of emotional kind includes humiliation and bullying.
One must recognise the right to the respectful treatment and self-esteem to get out of such abusive marriage quickly.
There is a type of domestic violence in the form of financial abuse which may not be obvious. It could be a husband stopping wife getting a job or pursue higher study. Financial abuse is nothing but a type of control and it’s very common as one spouse controls the major finances put in the joint accounts.
When you have started receiving different shades of slap from a man who calls you honey, it’s a sign that tells you to make a brave step to walk out of the marriage before it leads to mental and physical torture. In many abusive marriages, the wife is not afforded the freedom to be or to become herself. She is expected to be him. Her mistakes cannot be forgiven because the true mistake is not being him. His anger erupts at the slightest hint of her divergence from who he is and what he wants.
What most men don’t know in an abusive marriage is that you cannot break down a woman temporarily, but a real woman will always pick up the pieces of her life, rebuild herself, and come back stronger than ever. If you are going through this hard times in that marriage or relationship, you have a right to life to protect your own life and that of your offspring, forget about whatever your pastor says, it’s your happiness we are talking about here and not his or hers.
So sad that Holy Books are being used by the clerics to preach the gospel of endurance to you. Sometimes, they encourage ladies to stay in an abusive relationship and resolve what cannot be resolved. I tell ladies if your man beat and abuse you when you are courting, he will kill you confessing that he still loves you when you are dying. Ladies be careful and be wise.
A TRAGEDY is staying in an unhappy marriage. Mahatma Gandhi in one of his many quotes, says, “happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
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